Holla, or as they say here, Ahalan! (I still don't know what that means, but I enjoy saying it since it makes me seem like I'm in the know. I could look up the word in my trusty Hebrew/English dictionary, but let's be honest, I probably won't.)
So, I've been regaling you with endlessly interesting anecdotes (if I do say so myself) regarding my life here, but I really think that a 'Day in the Life' entry would illuminate just what I'm experiencing. Read on!
6:20am - Actually get up when alarm rings to go jogging for second day in a row. It's the beginning of a new regime since I just couldn't take the lack of exercise anymore. I need it physically, emotionally and so I don't go crazy(ily).
6:27am - Eat bowl of off-brand cornflakes and 1% milk (no skim allowed in Israel). Bliss.
6:40am - I zip down the eerily empty Rechov Emek Refaim, which is just beginning to show signs of life. Some workers have left huge bags of onions and potatoes outside a cafe. I contemplate stealing one but come to my senses, since: 1. I'm no ganev; and 2. What the heck would I do with so many onions?? I resume my jog sans huge sack of tubers.
7:10am - In the absence of a true jogging trail, I run in circles around the cement courts of Gan Ha'Paamon, built for some indeterminate sports, which I share with a bunch of fiesty cats. (There I go with the cats again.) They run like the wind everytime I get within a few feet (or is it grams? ha ha) of them. My brilliant theory is that all the bright blue I was wearing - my fleece and headband - spooked them. Or are cats color blind?
7:40am - Back home, I rush around getting ready, needing to be at ulpan by 8:30. Finally know how to get to the bus stop without getting lost. The bus is usually late so I think I have all the time in the world, but I get there as it is just leaving. I huff and puff and scream out a few mild obscenities, causing the policemen randomly checking cars nearby to stare up at me quizzically. I give them a dazzling smile in return.
8:20am - I use my time waiting at the bus stop to do the ulpan homework I should have done the night before. What can I say, the life of an olah is very full and I am proud to be doing any HW at all. (Sorry Mom and Aunt Gail. I'm still your shining star, right?? :)
8:32am - The bus miraculously comes earlier than it normally would (it's spaced out about every 25 bleeding minutes). I try to buy a monthly pass, but don't have enough cash. All of my maneuvering in tandem with the bus driver's sudden whoosh out of the station causes me to fall smack dab on my butt.
8:34am - What does one do in this scenario but laugh, smile adoringly at my fans, and then get comfy on the floor? I work out my ticket issues, haul myself up and resume the bus ride. I'm only 10 minutes late to ulpan, and lovely Morah Esther (who has the same name as my darling mom) welcomes me with a sweet smile, not guilting me at all for being tardy (to the Hebrew grammar party). I love her.
8:58am - Yahoo! Time for snack #1! I noisily unwrap a mini Luna bar (so glad I brought an entire suitcase of them with me to Israel) and gobble it down.
9:49am - I check my watch for the 7th time, pretty much a reflex. It's not that ulpan is boring but that I'm not used to sitting in a classroom for such an extended amount of time. We learn about words that have two meanings, based on their structure. The handout, for some odd reason, includes a very non-PC picture of a China-man in a Vietnamese type hat with very slanty eyes, cutting paper with scissors. Far be it from me to understand. Some very pro-human rights folks in the classroom get a little miffed. I try not to judge the illustrator too harshly and move right along (nothing to see here, folks).
10:30am - Break time! My classroom is blessedly warm and heated, but the rest of the building is absolutely freezing, much colder than the outside. I attempt to get warm by going into the nattily decorated 'Moadon' (i.e. Clubhouse), which I thought housed some computers. No such luck. However, a Young Turk that I have had the pleasure of befriending allows me to use his laptop. I manage to send out one email on the Turkish keyboard, but am unable to figure out how to include the letter 'i' with dots as well as commas and general punctuation. Nevertheless, one long email down!
10:32am - Feel guilty about all of the other emails I still owe.
11:23am - Back in class. We discuss the events of the past week. I ramble on about Obama's State of the Union Address. Esther the Teacher asks the Italians in the class if they know what happened in their home country. Greeted by their silence, I chime in, in Hebrew, that the food is good there. The class snickers. The Italians refuse to elaborate on their country's amazing food. Bastardos.
11:57am - Snack #2 - half of my PB&J sandwich! Yummers!
1pm - Time for the Tu B'Shvat ceremony! Some of my fellow ulpanites put on a talent show and: Sing songs about how man is close to the earth; put on little skits involving one girl dressing up as a surprisingly realistic-looking tree; and read off inspirational quotes from the Torah. Delightful.
1:23pm - Emotional presentation of Teudat Zehut (Israeli ID cards) to those that have not yet received them. I was gifted with mine at the airport, so I'm an old hand at this. I politely clap when the mood strikes, especially when a Spanish Stud Hoss claims his in a very charming manner.
1:50pm - Time for dried fruit and the ceremonial planting of a tree! I indulge in a fig and 2 walnuts.
2:40pm - Bus back to my sublet in the German Colony, which always involves passing Aroma Coffee. I struggle against the usual impulse to buy the diet slushie, a very expensive habit. I finally decide to compromise: I will get one every Sunday (first day of the work week) and Friday (first day of the weekend). So off I go to get one. It takes me about seven minutes to describe what I want to the Barrista (or is it Aromista?), but I triumph in the end.
2:51pm - Back at the apartment, I valiantly struggle to open both the screen door and the front door, then relock them quickly. I put in a few hours of PR work - pat on back.
3:30pm - Darla, my intrepid broker, picks me up to look at an apartment. It pretty much rawks although the location is somewhat questionable. I decide to make an offer.
4:15pm - Darla and I go food shopping together at a discount supermarket. (The roles of people here bleed over constantly - my last broker invited me for Shabbos dinner.) I did not expect so many American products and enjoy the selection of reduced fat Ken's Steakhouse salad dressings.
4:43pm - The cashier informs me that I am entitled to a free bottle of soda with my purchase, so I naturally go to the nearby soda section and take my sweet time deciding if I want Diet Coke with Lemon, or some sort of Sprite drink. She jerks me out of my reverie when she shrieks that I should first get to work packing my groceries (yes, we do it ourselves here) and only then can I pick out the dang bottle. I attempt to yell back, but end up saluting and obeying of course.
5:12pm - Darla laughs about how in all her 10 years of going to this supermarket, she has never seen the cashier react that way. I attribute her venom to my blond innocence (i.e. my wide-eyed, flaxen grace).
6:47pm - I heat up a frozen lasagna I purchased at the Supermarket of Shrieking, and it is utterly delicious. I chomp away as I converse with some unlucky soul on the phone.
7:30pm - Darla and I meet with the owners of the apartment I am seriously contemplating renting, and they ask for some outrageous sum as a security measure, which is somehow considered to be a normal practice in Israel. At least according to their broker - our lawyer will have the final say. Not sure how the apartment will work out after all, but will be seeing another tomorrow.
8:45pm - Tidy up at home and make some final phone calls. Have some random Facebook Instant Message chats.
10:15pm - Realize that I must post a blog entry and push myself off my furry, delicious comforter and into the tundra of the living room.
11:04pm - Blog entry completed! Off for a midnight snack and then beddie-bye. Layla tov!
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