Holla, or as they say here, Ahalan! (I still don't know what that means, but I enjoy saying it since it makes me seem like I'm in the know. I could look up the word in my trusty Hebrew/English dictionary, but let's be honest, I probably won't.)
So, I've been regaling you with endlessly interesting anecdotes (if I do say so myself) regarding my life here, but I really think that a 'Day in the Life' entry would illuminate just what I'm experiencing. Read on!
6:20am - Actually get up when alarm rings to go jogging for second day in a row. It's the beginning of a new regime since I just couldn't take the lack of exercise anymore. I need it physically, emotionally and so I don't go crazy(ily).
6:27am - Eat bowl of off-brand cornflakes and 1% milk (no skim allowed in Israel). Bliss.
6:40am - I zip down the eerily empty Rechov Emek Refaim, which is just beginning to show signs of life. Some workers have left huge bags of onions and potatoes outside a cafe. I contemplate stealing one but come to my senses, since: 1. I'm no ganev; and 2. What the heck would I do with so many onions?? I resume my jog sans huge sack of tubers.
7:10am - In the absence of a true jogging trail, I run in circles around the cement courts of Gan Ha'Paamon, built for some indeterminate sports, which I share with a bunch of fiesty cats. (There I go with the cats again.) They run like the wind everytime I get within a few feet (or is it grams? ha ha) of them. My brilliant theory is that all the bright blue I was wearing - my fleece and headband - spooked them. Or are cats color blind?
7:40am - Back home, I rush around getting ready, needing to be at ulpan by 8:30. Finally know how to get to the bus stop without getting lost. The bus is usually late so I think I have all the time in the world, but I get there as it is just leaving. I huff and puff and scream out a few mild obscenities, causing the policemen randomly checking cars nearby to stare up at me quizzically. I give them a dazzling smile in return.
8:20am - I use my time waiting at the bus stop to do the ulpan homework I should have done the night before. What can I say, the life of an olah is very full and I am proud to be doing any HW at all. (Sorry Mom and Aunt Gail. I'm still your shining star, right?? :)
8:32am - The bus miraculously comes earlier than it normally would (it's spaced out about every 25 bleeding minutes). I try to buy a monthly pass, but don't have enough cash. All of my maneuvering in tandem with the bus driver's sudden whoosh out of the station causes me to fall smack dab on my butt.
8:34am - What does one do in this scenario but laugh, smile adoringly at my fans, and then get comfy on the floor? I work out my ticket issues, haul myself up and resume the bus ride. I'm only 10 minutes late to ulpan, and lovely Morah Esther (who has the same name as my darling mom) welcomes me with a sweet smile, not guilting me at all for being tardy (to the Hebrew grammar party). I love her.
8:58am - Yahoo! Time for snack #1! I noisily unwrap a mini Luna bar (so glad I brought an entire suitcase of them with me to Israel) and gobble it down.
9:49am - I check my watch for the 7th time, pretty much a reflex. It's not that ulpan is boring but that I'm not used to sitting in a classroom for such an extended amount of time. We learn about words that have two meanings, based on their structure. The handout, for some odd reason, includes a very non-PC picture of a China-man in a Vietnamese type hat with very slanty eyes, cutting paper with scissors. Far be it from me to understand. Some very pro-human rights folks in the classroom get a little miffed. I try not to judge the illustrator too harshly and move right along (nothing to see here, folks).
10:30am - Break time! My classroom is blessedly warm and heated, but the rest of the building is absolutely freezing, much colder than the outside. I attempt to get warm by going into the nattily decorated 'Moadon' (i.e. Clubhouse), which I thought housed some computers. No such luck. However, a Young Turk that I have had the pleasure of befriending allows me to use his laptop. I manage to send out one email on the Turkish keyboard, but am unable to figure out how to include the letter 'i' with dots as well as commas and general punctuation. Nevertheless, one long email down!
10:32am - Feel guilty about all of the other emails I still owe.
11:23am - Back in class. We discuss the events of the past week. I ramble on about Obama's State of the Union Address. Esther the Teacher asks the Italians in the class if they know what happened in their home country. Greeted by their silence, I chime in, in Hebrew, that the food is good there. The class snickers. The Italians refuse to elaborate on their country's amazing food. Bastardos.
11:57am - Snack #2 - half of my PB&J sandwich! Yummers!
1pm - Time for the Tu B'Shvat ceremony! Some of my fellow ulpanites put on a talent show and: Sing songs about how man is close to the earth; put on little skits involving one girl dressing up as a surprisingly realistic-looking tree; and read off inspirational quotes from the Torah. Delightful.
1:23pm - Emotional presentation of Teudat Zehut (Israeli ID cards) to those that have not yet received them. I was gifted with mine at the airport, so I'm an old hand at this. I politely clap when the mood strikes, especially when a Spanish Stud Hoss claims his in a very charming manner.
1:50pm - Time for dried fruit and the ceremonial planting of a tree! I indulge in a fig and 2 walnuts.
2:40pm - Bus back to my sublet in the German Colony, which always involves passing Aroma Coffee. I struggle against the usual impulse to buy the diet slushie, a very expensive habit. I finally decide to compromise: I will get one every Sunday (first day of the work week) and Friday (first day of the weekend). So off I go to get one. It takes me about seven minutes to describe what I want to the Barrista (or is it Aromista?), but I triumph in the end.
2:51pm - Back at the apartment, I valiantly struggle to open both the screen door and the front door, then relock them quickly. I put in a few hours of PR work - pat on back.
3:30pm - Darla, my intrepid broker, picks me up to look at an apartment. It pretty much rawks although the location is somewhat questionable. I decide to make an offer.
4:15pm - Darla and I go food shopping together at a discount supermarket. (The roles of people here bleed over constantly - my last broker invited me for Shabbos dinner.) I did not expect so many American products and enjoy the selection of reduced fat Ken's Steakhouse salad dressings.
4:43pm - The cashier informs me that I am entitled to a free bottle of soda with my purchase, so I naturally go to the nearby soda section and take my sweet time deciding if I want Diet Coke with Lemon, or some sort of Sprite drink. She jerks me out of my reverie when she shrieks that I should first get to work packing my groceries (yes, we do it ourselves here) and only then can I pick out the dang bottle. I attempt to yell back, but end up saluting and obeying of course.
5:12pm - Darla laughs about how in all her 10 years of going to this supermarket, she has never seen the cashier react that way. I attribute her venom to my blond innocence (i.e. my wide-eyed, flaxen grace).
6:47pm - I heat up a frozen lasagna I purchased at the Supermarket of Shrieking, and it is utterly delicious. I chomp away as I converse with some unlucky soul on the phone.
7:30pm - Darla and I meet with the owners of the apartment I am seriously contemplating renting, and they ask for some outrageous sum as a security measure, which is somehow considered to be a normal practice in Israel. At least according to their broker - our lawyer will have the final say. Not sure how the apartment will work out after all, but will be seeing another tomorrow.
8:45pm - Tidy up at home and make some final phone calls. Have some random Facebook Instant Message chats.
10:15pm - Realize that I must post a blog entry and push myself off my furry, delicious comforter and into the tundra of the living room.
11:04pm - Blog entry completed! Off for a midnight snack and then beddie-bye. Layla tov!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Warm, Tired Kittens
I guess the multitude of cats in Israel has me slightly obsessed, since this is the second entry in a row in which I refer to cats. And usually, I couldn't care less about our Friends Who Eat Fancy Feast.
Anyhoo, I thought the kitties of Yerushalayim would do a good job of illustrating the way I feel.
I would just love to fall asleep in a warm mug of hot chocolate.
(And isn't it ironic that one of the mugs has a dog on it? I guess that cat and that dog do get along. Har har.)
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Random Musings at the Random Hour of 8:57pm (or should I say 20:57)
Hello boys and girls!
I'm in much better humor today because last night, I received my bag with the ulpan materials back. This required a trip to Tel Aviv and ended up costing me about $60, which on balance, might not seem worth it. However, starting over with notes, homework, etc. would be such a pain and also in the bag was my 'Anneni' prayer book, which has great sentimental value. So I guess G-d really did answer my prayers since my items have been restored!
Since I'm sure you're dying to know what I had for dinner (I would be), I just finished eating some Chinese chicken I purchased at a local store. One great benefit of Israel is that the take-out ends up costing the same amount as cooking it yourself. So I saved myself alot of time and actually had meat on a Wednesday night. This is quite the accomplishment since there is an approximately 0.5% chance I would bother cooking chicken during the week. The meat was cold since there is no microwave in the sublet but like I told you before, I'm an odd nut to crack and I don't mind that at all. In fact, cold poultry raises fond memories of bleary Sunday mornings, post Hell Raising Saturday Nights, when I woke up at some odd hour and craved nothing but cold chicken, pizza or lasagna.
And now I will seamlessly segue into my still-very-much-alive-and-kicking apartment search. I have about 10,614 brokers on the case and have seen a very interesting assortment of dwellings, among them: An amazing two-bedroom that I was dying to take but doesn't really seem available (tease!), one ramshackle cottage that would be perfect for a would-be unabomber, and one really adorable studio that is just too small for a home office (and is also in a private house with a yippy dog - dealbreaker). I really need to find something soon - keep your fingers crossed.
In a few minutes, a friend of a friend who is a computer specialist is coming over to evaluate my laptop, which has been ill with a stuffy nose and a bad cough. Poor thing, it is only 7% charged at the very most and shuts down suddenly after about 10 minutes of use. Hopefully, Computer Dude will administer electronic Sudafed and chicken soup and my laptop will be back in fighting form.
I looked at a few gyms today because I feel like The Biggest Lump in the Middle East. Normally I exercise about 4 times a week at the very least, but since I got here, jogging has gone out the window and all I do is walk (which does nothing, in my opinion). I MUST get back into it!! I keep staring at myself critically in the mirror to see if my size has changed. So far it appears that it has not, but I'm seriously thinking of posting Before and After close-up pictures on this blog and hearing your opinions (I am a vain masochist).
Being that it is Wednesday night in Izzy, there is one day before the weekend! Against my better judgement, I am going on a shabbaton. I am pretty sure it will be nothing like NCSY, but committing to spending time with a group for a fixed amount of time in a random place is always a risk. Still, it should be good fun and a new chavaya (experience).
There are some very vocal cats in the street outside who seem like they're having themselves a grand old time. I love hearing a good hiss and meow and there is certainly no shortage of cats in Israel. Rowr!!
Computer Dude is coming any minute (unless he is operating on Israeli time, which means that I have a good 2 hours), so I must go powder my nose. Please sit back in your easy chairs, enjoy smoking your pipe by the fireplace and have yourself a lovely evening (of Masterpiece Theater).
I'm in much better humor today because last night, I received my bag with the ulpan materials back. This required a trip to Tel Aviv and ended up costing me about $60, which on balance, might not seem worth it. However, starting over with notes, homework, etc. would be such a pain and also in the bag was my 'Anneni' prayer book, which has great sentimental value. So I guess G-d really did answer my prayers since my items have been restored!
Since I'm sure you're dying to know what I had for dinner (I would be), I just finished eating some Chinese chicken I purchased at a local store. One great benefit of Israel is that the take-out ends up costing the same amount as cooking it yourself. So I saved myself alot of time and actually had meat on a Wednesday night. This is quite the accomplishment since there is an approximately 0.5% chance I would bother cooking chicken during the week. The meat was cold since there is no microwave in the sublet but like I told you before, I'm an odd nut to crack and I don't mind that at all. In fact, cold poultry raises fond memories of bleary Sunday mornings, post Hell Raising Saturday Nights, when I woke up at some odd hour and craved nothing but cold chicken, pizza or lasagna.
And now I will seamlessly segue into my still-very-much-alive-and-kicking apartment search. I have about 10,614 brokers on the case and have seen a very interesting assortment of dwellings, among them: An amazing two-bedroom that I was dying to take but doesn't really seem available (tease!), one ramshackle cottage that would be perfect for a would-be unabomber, and one really adorable studio that is just too small for a home office (and is also in a private house with a yippy dog - dealbreaker). I really need to find something soon - keep your fingers crossed.
In a few minutes, a friend of a friend who is a computer specialist is coming over to evaluate my laptop, which has been ill with a stuffy nose and a bad cough. Poor thing, it is only 7% charged at the very most and shuts down suddenly after about 10 minutes of use. Hopefully, Computer Dude will administer electronic Sudafed and chicken soup and my laptop will be back in fighting form.
I looked at a few gyms today because I feel like The Biggest Lump in the Middle East. Normally I exercise about 4 times a week at the very least, but since I got here, jogging has gone out the window and all I do is walk (which does nothing, in my opinion). I MUST get back into it!! I keep staring at myself critically in the mirror to see if my size has changed. So far it appears that it has not, but I'm seriously thinking of posting Before and After close-up pictures on this blog and hearing your opinions (I am a vain masochist).
Being that it is Wednesday night in Izzy, there is one day before the weekend! Against my better judgement, I am going on a shabbaton. I am pretty sure it will be nothing like NCSY, but committing to spending time with a group for a fixed amount of time in a random place is always a risk. Still, it should be good fun and a new chavaya (experience).
There are some very vocal cats in the street outside who seem like they're having themselves a grand old time. I love hearing a good hiss and meow and there is certainly no shortage of cats in Israel. Rowr!!
Computer Dude is coming any minute (unless he is operating on Israeli time, which means that I have a good 2 hours), so I must go powder my nose. Please sit back in your easy chairs, enjoy smoking your pipe by the fireplace and have yourself a lovely evening (of Masterpiece Theater).
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Thou Shalt Not Lie...Except to Israeli Customer Service
Let's dispense with the shaloms, shall we? Suffice is to say that yesterday will not go down as a top day in the Shining Pantheon of My Life.
It all started when I was late for the bus to ulpan, again. This time there was no way around it and I had to take a cab. Uch, I hate wasting money so much!! I also have been feeling very out of control in terms of my finances because I have not been logging all of my spending on the usual Excel spreadsheet.
Truly, most of my daily routines have gone out the window with aliyah.
The cab ride was very stressful because some truck drivers decided that rush hour was the opportune time to BLOCK THE ENTIRE ROAD in order to hook up some dumping contraption. I opened my car window and shrieked at them to "ZUZ!" (MOVE!) but of course that didn't help. It just made me feel better.
I did make it to ulpan on time but had to explain why I had missed the prior day. The truth is that I still consider Saturday night the 'woo hoo, time to go out' night, even though Sunday is really a working day here. So I did not get enough sleep and just could not drag my sorry carcass to ulpan that day. Of course I didn't tell the teacher that - white lie #1.
I also had a pressing appointment in Netanya, to meet some co-workers at my new PR job. In order to be there on time, I had to leave ulpan early. This did not please my teacher and I assured her this would not be the norm, explaining that "Pussycat, it hurts me more than it hurts you." (Okay, I didn't use those exact words, but you get the nekudah/point.)
So, I rushed off to catch the bus to Bnei Brak, where I would be meeting a connecting shuttle that would take me to Netanya. I've already complained about the rude bus drivers here, but this dude will go down in the Hall of Fame of Disgruntled Nahagim. When I asked him about the right stop, he grunted at me to ask my fellow passengers.
As if!! After much screaming by me (it's a necessity to get what you need here) I finally figured out where I had to get off. A nice young girl who probably thought I was some ridiculous tourist pointed me to the exact stop, and I rushed off the bus.
About half a minute later I realized that I was no longer in possession of one of my two tote bags (call me a bag lady if you must). And guess what was in that tote? Not my passports, thank G-d, but all of my ulpan materials. Clearly, I am not a position to ace this course, especially considering that we have a test on Wednesday. How my Israeli grammar is going to suffer.
Back to the transportation story from Hell. I had missed my connecting shuttle and ran frantically into some stores in Bnei Brak, where a nice greengrocer looked in the phone book and helped me find another shuttle (at a high price). It was worth it in the end and I'll tell you why.
I called the bus company to explain that I literally had just gotten off the bus and knew the identifying numbers for both the driver and the bus (which were on my ticket). The representative, in what I am told is typical Israeli fashion, told me that the bus company does not, as a practice, keep the private phone numbers of their individual bus drivers.
This mystified me - how the heck do you run a company without knowing the numbers of your bus drivers?? The rep insisted she could not call the bus driver and said I would have to be satisfied with leaving my contact information with her, and she would call me if something was found.
Usually I joke about these matters, but I was really appalled by her baffling lack of sympathy. Having reached my breaking point, I launched into a tirade for the benefit of my driver whereby I screeched that I was an Olah Chadasha and just could not understand why people are so mean. I didn't get why people invited us to come to the country and then treated us like crap over the most mundane matters???
I guess the driver alternately pitied me and was terrified of my wrath, because he voluntarily called the Bus Company of Idiocy back and pretended that I was his friend and had left my passports and other extremely sensitive materials in the bag. Could they check with the driver? Suddenly they could!!
What a miracle - the bus driver's number appeared out of thin air!!All because we obeyed the commandment, "Thous Shalt Lie to Israeli Customer Service."
Today, the lovely driver also picked up the bag in Tel Aviv, so I need to take a bus (shudder) back there tonight to finally get the bag back in my possession, and give the driver a nice little reward. You can bet I am not letting that dang bag out of my sight - those ulpan materials are irreplaceable.
When I told my Dad the story, he remarked that I keep losing things, and he is right: My change purse (didn't blog about that but got it back after going to the bar I had been at the night before), of course the errant belt, and now this.
What it boils down to is that aliyah has made me lose my mind. But not my appetite.
So: I got out my complaints, and you can expect your normal, cheerful narrator back any day now. In the meantime, I'm going to eat some chocolate - it's the only cure.
It all started when I was late for the bus to ulpan, again. This time there was no way around it and I had to take a cab. Uch, I hate wasting money so much!! I also have been feeling very out of control in terms of my finances because I have not been logging all of my spending on the usual Excel spreadsheet.
Truly, most of my daily routines have gone out the window with aliyah.
The cab ride was very stressful because some truck drivers decided that rush hour was the opportune time to BLOCK THE ENTIRE ROAD in order to hook up some dumping contraption. I opened my car window and shrieked at them to "ZUZ!" (MOVE!) but of course that didn't help. It just made me feel better.
I did make it to ulpan on time but had to explain why I had missed the prior day. The truth is that I still consider Saturday night the 'woo hoo, time to go out' night, even though Sunday is really a working day here. So I did not get enough sleep and just could not drag my sorry carcass to ulpan that day. Of course I didn't tell the teacher that - white lie #1.
I also had a pressing appointment in Netanya, to meet some co-workers at my new PR job. In order to be there on time, I had to leave ulpan early. This did not please my teacher and I assured her this would not be the norm, explaining that "Pussycat, it hurts me more than it hurts you." (Okay, I didn't use those exact words, but you get the nekudah/point.)
So, I rushed off to catch the bus to Bnei Brak, where I would be meeting a connecting shuttle that would take me to Netanya. I've already complained about the rude bus drivers here, but this dude will go down in the Hall of Fame of Disgruntled Nahagim. When I asked him about the right stop, he grunted at me to ask my fellow passengers.
As if!! After much screaming by me (it's a necessity to get what you need here) I finally figured out where I had to get off. A nice young girl who probably thought I was some ridiculous tourist pointed me to the exact stop, and I rushed off the bus.
About half a minute later I realized that I was no longer in possession of one of my two tote bags (call me a bag lady if you must). And guess what was in that tote? Not my passports, thank G-d, but all of my ulpan materials. Clearly, I am not a position to ace this course, especially considering that we have a test on Wednesday. How my Israeli grammar is going to suffer.
Back to the transportation story from Hell. I had missed my connecting shuttle and ran frantically into some stores in Bnei Brak, where a nice greengrocer looked in the phone book and helped me find another shuttle (at a high price). It was worth it in the end and I'll tell you why.
I called the bus company to explain that I literally had just gotten off the bus and knew the identifying numbers for both the driver and the bus (which were on my ticket). The representative, in what I am told is typical Israeli fashion, told me that the bus company does not, as a practice, keep the private phone numbers of their individual bus drivers.
This mystified me - how the heck do you run a company without knowing the numbers of your bus drivers?? The rep insisted she could not call the bus driver and said I would have to be satisfied with leaving my contact information with her, and she would call me if something was found.
Usually I joke about these matters, but I was really appalled by her baffling lack of sympathy. Having reached my breaking point, I launched into a tirade for the benefit of my driver whereby I screeched that I was an Olah Chadasha and just could not understand why people are so mean. I didn't get why people invited us to come to the country and then treated us like crap over the most mundane matters???
I guess the driver alternately pitied me and was terrified of my wrath, because he voluntarily called the Bus Company of Idiocy back and pretended that I was his friend and had left my passports and other extremely sensitive materials in the bag. Could they check with the driver? Suddenly they could!!
What a miracle - the bus driver's number appeared out of thin air!!All because we obeyed the commandment, "Thous Shalt Lie to Israeli Customer Service."
Today, the lovely driver also picked up the bag in Tel Aviv, so I need to take a bus (shudder) back there tonight to finally get the bag back in my possession, and give the driver a nice little reward. You can bet I am not letting that dang bag out of my sight - those ulpan materials are irreplaceable.
When I told my Dad the story, he remarked that I keep losing things, and he is right: My change purse (didn't blog about that but got it back after going to the bar I had been at the night before), of course the errant belt, and now this.
What it boils down to is that aliyah has made me lose my mind. But not my appetite.
So: I got out my complaints, and you can expect your normal, cheerful narrator back any day now. In the meantime, I'm going to eat some chocolate - it's the only cure.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
My Belt Left Me Bereft
Being that I finally am in one place for more than one night, yesterday I was finally able to unpack the majority of my suitcases.
I must confess that prior to this I have been - yes, shamefully - essentially wearing the same four outfits over and over again. It's really not a big deal. Everyone in Israel wears jeans every day.
(Please do not disclose this to ANYONE! I have a reputation to uphold, after all.)
Where were we? Ah, yes. So one of the things I unpacked was my prized collection of belts. I decided to wear my current favorite - a Forever 21 number in stretchy, studded black fabric - that very day.
I sashayed over to ulpan with it clipped around my new sweater with drapey sleeves. I patted it comfortingly a number of times throughout the morning. Around 11:07am (I remember the exact moment! Horrors!) I suddenly realized that my belt was no longer on my person!!
What had happened?? I surmised that it was clipped on tenuously and had fallen off somewhere. Oh, the worry! I dashed out of class and was so relieved to find it laying in a snake-like heap under a chair in the nearby lobby.
I re-secured it, making sure it was well on, and continued with my day, trying to forget the trauma.
That evening, I went out to dinner at one of the cafes lining Rechov Emek Refaim (and had a very odd salad, might I add). Oh, I had myself a fabulous time. After I returned home, I was straightening up my new sublet, feeling rather content with myself, when I suddenly realized - gasp! - I was no longer wearing my belt!!
Yes, it had disappeared for the second time that day.
I had either lost it in my friend's car, in the restaurant, or it was gone forever.
For a moment, I was devastated by the third possibility, but then realized that I didn't really want a belt that was just not that into me.
Still, I argued with myself, I wasn't sure of the belt's motivation. So like a teenage girl with a lovesick crush, I called my friend to inquire: Might he have found a belt in his car?
He hesitated for a moment, perhaps pondering what kind of pills I was on and where he could get some, but finally responded that sadly, no, he had not.
Strike one!
Yet I persevered. Today, on the way home from ulpan, I walked (beltlessly) by the restaurant and asked in Hebrew (probably making the whole exchange sound ever more bizarre) whether they had found a belt under my table, around the bar or elsewhere? I could barely look at them, so shamed was I by my request.
They HAD!
I was so happy to see my belt again that I flew into a state of bliss.
However, now that I've had some time to think, I'm wondering:
- Just why did my belt run away from me twice?
- Was it unhappy to be found?
- Has it found another girl it likes better than me? (Is she Israeli? Is she Belgian? Oh, I'm torturing myself.)
- Was my belt, in fact, planning to rednezvous with Giveret X at the Restaurant of Broken Dreams (and Belts)??
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
HaUlpan Sheli
La'Ulpan sheli shalosh pinot, shalosh pinot la'ulpan sheli...(My ulpan has 3 corners...)
Oh wait, that's a song about a kova (hat)! Strike that from the record, Your Honor!
Soooo, I have ulpan on the brain. (In case you don't know the meaning of this odd word that I keep referring to, 'ulpan' is an intensive study of the Hebrew language with the objective of fluency in reading, writing and speaking.) It's my new obsession because I just started on Tuesday! This coincides with my moving into a sublet in a great location in the German Colony, so for the first time in a loooong while, I have some blessed stability in my life.
I just adore having a routine again.
Nevermind that I keep getting lost on the way to the #8 bus. I'm not sure this bus stop actually exists in real time - I think it is an apparition that shifts places for the sole purpose of tormenting me. Today's bus debacle involved me getting up at 6:30am to make an 8:30 class, huffing and puffing in search of the mystical Derech Chevron, finally finding the stop after harrassing a number of innocent passerby - and being late.
My being tardy (to the party) had nothing to do with the 20 minutes I spent fiddling with the sublet's amazing cappuccino machine...nothing at all. But dang, that cappuccino was tays-tee!
How I digress. So, they actually placed me in the Ulpan's Rama Daled, their highest level of Hebrew. I still can't believe it! I know that I understand most of what I hear in daily conversation and can speak with some fluency, but I didn't think I was that advanced since I cannot follow the news or radio at all. The funny thing is that on the placement test, I made a number of mistakes in the easiest section and got 100% in the hardest section.
I've always been an odd egoz (nut) to crack.
Anyhoooooo, my classmates are from all over the world (Australia, Russia, South Africa and of course, America) with some 'foreign' haircuts to match, and my teachers are adorable. I am re-learning all the Hebrew grammar, male/female tenses and vocabulary I have forgotten over the years. It's in there somewhere!
I am particularly enjoying the vocabulary part. Here are but a few of the words I learned to translate into Hebrew today:
-Nuclear weapons
-Hips (we had to add an adjective so I chose 'fat' - tee hee)
-FBI (are they focusing on my hips???)
-Ankles
-Chaos
-Socks (don't ask me about the state of my sock drawer)
I did learn other words in a wide variety of categories but I thought you would enjoy this mixed array. (Admit it, you did, didn't you?)
After my second glorious day of ulpan, I trucked on over to Rami Levi, a discount supermarket that appears to be Jerusalem's version of Costco. The fact that you can only buy a pair of heads of lettuce, and not a single one on its own, attests to the warehouse-like atmosphere.
Hmmm, maybe it is Costco, but the people there are crazier than the meshugennas at Fairway. Ah, New York...
Oh wait, that's a song about a kova (hat)! Strike that from the record, Your Honor!
Soooo, I have ulpan on the brain. (In case you don't know the meaning of this odd word that I keep referring to, 'ulpan' is an intensive study of the Hebrew language with the objective of fluency in reading, writing and speaking.) It's my new obsession because I just started on Tuesday! This coincides with my moving into a sublet in a great location in the German Colony, so for the first time in a loooong while, I have some blessed stability in my life.
I just adore having a routine again.
Nevermind that I keep getting lost on the way to the #8 bus. I'm not sure this bus stop actually exists in real time - I think it is an apparition that shifts places for the sole purpose of tormenting me. Today's bus debacle involved me getting up at 6:30am to make an 8:30 class, huffing and puffing in search of the mystical Derech Chevron, finally finding the stop after harrassing a number of innocent passerby - and being late.
My being tardy (to the party) had nothing to do with the 20 minutes I spent fiddling with the sublet's amazing cappuccino machine...nothing at all. But dang, that cappuccino was tays-tee!
How I digress. So, they actually placed me in the Ulpan's Rama Daled, their highest level of Hebrew. I still can't believe it! I know that I understand most of what I hear in daily conversation and can speak with some fluency, but I didn't think I was that advanced since I cannot follow the news or radio at all. The funny thing is that on the placement test, I made a number of mistakes in the easiest section and got 100% in the hardest section.
I've always been an odd egoz (nut) to crack.
Anyhoooooo, my classmates are from all over the world (Australia, Russia, South Africa and of course, America) with some 'foreign' haircuts to match, and my teachers are adorable. I am re-learning all the Hebrew grammar, male/female tenses and vocabulary I have forgotten over the years. It's in there somewhere!
I am particularly enjoying the vocabulary part. Here are but a few of the words I learned to translate into Hebrew today:
-Nuclear weapons
-Hips (we had to add an adjective so I chose 'fat' - tee hee)
-FBI (are they focusing on my hips???)
-Ankles
-Chaos
-Socks (don't ask me about the state of my sock drawer)
I did learn other words in a wide variety of categories but I thought you would enjoy this mixed array. (Admit it, you did, didn't you?)
After my second glorious day of ulpan, I trucked on over to Rami Levi, a discount supermarket that appears to be Jerusalem's version of Costco. The fact that you can only buy a pair of heads of lettuce, and not a single one on its own, attests to the warehouse-like atmosphere.
Hmmm, maybe it is Costco, but the people there are crazier than the meshugennas at Fairway. Ah, New York...
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
I'm Standing Right in Front of You, Dead
Chas v'shalom!
But truly, that quote epitomizes Israeli bureaucracy. The first week I was here, a new friend who I'll call Tov told me a story about obtaining her Teudat Zehut - essentially a social security number that ensures your identity as an Israeli citizen.
Tov presented herself at the appropriate Ministry (HaPanim - I believe - which means the interior). Whereupon, Tov was informed that she was, in fact, dead.
Tov insisted that she was, in fact, alive. Wasn't she standing right there?
Prove it, responded the bored Israeli clerk (who had seen it all and clearly was not impressed). Despite Tov's brandishment of multiple forms of ID, the clerk informed her that the system had her listed as dead and that was that.
Ultimately, Tov managed to have her status changed. However, it took three months, and as a result, she could not obtain health insurance until the mess was cleared up.
After all, what would a dead person need with a doctor?
But truly, that quote epitomizes Israeli bureaucracy. The first week I was here, a new friend who I'll call Tov told me a story about obtaining her Teudat Zehut - essentially a social security number that ensures your identity as an Israeli citizen.
Tov presented herself at the appropriate Ministry (HaPanim - I believe - which means the interior). Whereupon, Tov was informed that she was, in fact, dead.
Tov insisted that she was, in fact, alive. Wasn't she standing right there?
Prove it, responded the bored Israeli clerk (who had seen it all and clearly was not impressed). Despite Tov's brandishment of multiple forms of ID, the clerk informed her that the system had her listed as dead and that was that.
Ultimately, Tov managed to have her status changed. However, it took three months, and as a result, she could not obtain health insurance until the mess was cleared up.
After all, what would a dead person need with a doctor?
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