You Know You're Adapting To Israeli Society When...

Savory salads, including the contentious chummus (and a few random falafel balls)

I had lunch with my friend Tani today and was so glad to hear she has been enjoying regular chuckles due to my blog. As a reward (how lucky she is) I gave her a preview of this entry. Tani, I hope you like it!

I hope you, dear readers, do too. I know it has been a while since I posted, but last week suddenly became a cauldron of activity from which I could not tear myself away. It was all I could do to keep my head above water, what with the demands of ulpan, work, etc. etc. Yadda, yadda, yadda - poor me.

In any case, for the past week I've been noticing that I have regularly been doing a number of things that were really foreign to me when I first arrived.

As a result, as much as for my own benefit as all of yours (how I flatter myself that my readership is in the plural), I've decided to compile the following list of indicators that illustrate how my over-a-month-long stay has influenced me in a number of ways.

So - You know you've been in Israel and adapted to the culture somewhat when you:

• Use the expression "go for coffee" for every possible type of social situation. Going for lunch? Going for drinks? Going bowling (not that I noticed a single bowling alley in this country)? Then you're "going for coffee."
• Get used to everyone asking you how old you are and whether you are married (and of course, then telling you they have a shidduch for you, usually inappropriate). This includes shul-goers, storekeepers and CEO's.
• Start using Israeli slang, often improperly. (Please reference my incorrect use of the word "Halaan" a few entries back.) I suddenly find myself screaming out "Ayzeh Basa!" (roughly - what a crappy situation), "Al Ha'Panim!" (on my face - when you do something embarrassing), and "Sof Ha'Derech!" (end of the road - meaning the best ever) at random intervals.
• No longer think twice when you see a car parked at a particularly odd angle in the middle of the street, or directly on the sidewalk.
• Suddenly find yourself wearing extremely casual clothes almost every day of the week. Not just the same pair of jeans five days in a row (this started immediately upon my arrival) but - gasp! - sweatshirts, sweatpants and sneakers. Together. HORRORS!!!! *Please do not tell any of my friends in Manhattan about this disturbing development - they will never let me back into their social circle. Heck, if I still lived in Manhattan, I wouldn't let myself back into my social circle.*
• (On that note:) Have attempted to get a manicure on three different occasions but have been cancelled upon by Udi, Ezzi and Mezinka each time. As a result, you take to doing your own manicures (a survival skill) or even - yes - walking around with naked nails. 
• Wear a trendy, glittery, aqua beret (yes, I am referring to one of the glorious accessories I still manage to wear, despite my extreme Case of the Shlumps) and someone congratulates you on getting married. Even though you are wearing pants. After all, you are covering your hair.
• Use toilet paper in place of napkins and tissues. And get used to the lack of napkins at the table at meals. (I don't know why this is, I guess everyone surreptitiously wipes their hands and faces on the tablecloth.)
• Get used to people from Tel Aviv asking you, "Why would you want to live there?" when you tell them you live in Jerusalem. This is often due to the perceived lack of social establishments in Jeru.
• Start using abbreviations like J-lem/Jeru and TA (Tel Aviv).
• Begin to think that the distance between cities like Jeru & TA (about an hour) is soooooo looooong. Even though you thought it was the same as the relatively short distance between Queens, NY and Teaneck, NJ when you first arrived, and snickered openly at Israelis for whining about it.
• Are no longer scared of black cats but even begin to have a soft spot for them. I am considering naming the one I see most often. Perhaps I will call him 'Black Coffee.'
• Have extremely strong opinions about the best chummus in your local grocery, in your neighborhood and in the cities of Jerusalem and Tel Aviv. And you aren't afraid to voice them, ever.
• Are shown to a table at a cafe and bark at the waitress that you did not want that one but instead wanted one in the middle. Then you stop yourself a minute later when you realize that tone of voice was entirely unnecessary. It's just that you've gotten used to people barking at you.
• Not only are blunt in regard to seating at dining establishments, but basically everything.

You people are boring. I need to go. (There I go with the bluntness again.) Sorry.

Toodles.

Warm, Tired Kittens

I guess the multitude of cats in Israel has me slightly obsessed, since this is the second entry in a row in which I refer to cats. And usually, I couldn't care less about our Friends Who Eat Fancy Feast.

Anyhoo, I thought the kitties of Yerushalayim would do a good job of illustrating the way I feel.

I'm tired.


I would just love to fall asleep in a warm mug of hot chocolate.

(And isn't it ironic that one of the mugs has a dog on it? I guess that cat and that dog do get along. Har har.)

Random Musings at the Random Hour of 8:57pm (or should I say 20:57)

Hello boys and girls!

I'm in much better humor today because last night,  I received my bag with the ulpan materials back. This required a trip to Tel Aviv and ended up costing me about $60, which on balance, might not seem worth it. However, starting over with notes, homework, etc. would be such a pain and also in the bag was my 'Anneni' prayer book, which has great sentimental value. So I guess G-d really did answer my prayers since my items have been restored!

Since I'm sure you're dying to know what I had for dinner (I would be), I just finished eating some Chinese chicken I purchased at a local store. One great benefit of Israel is that the take-out ends up costing the same amount as cooking it yourself. So I saved myself alot of time and actually had meat on a Wednesday night. This is quite the accomplishment since there is an approximately 0.5% chance I would bother cooking chicken during the week. The meat was cold since there is no microwave in the sublet but like I told you before, I'm an odd nut to crack and I don't mind that at all. In fact, cold poultry raises fond memories of bleary Sunday mornings, post Hell Raising Saturday Nights, when I woke up at some odd hour and craved nothing but cold chicken, pizza or lasagna.

And now I will seamlessly segue into my still-very-much-alive-and-kicking apartment search. I have about 10,614 brokers on the case and have seen a very interesting assortment of dwellings, among them: An amazing two-bedroom that I was dying to take but doesn't really seem available (tease!), one ramshackle cottage that would be perfect for a would-be unabomber, and one really adorable studio that is just too small for a home office (and is also in a private house with a yippy dog - dealbreaker). I really need to find something soon - keep your fingers crossed.

In a few minutes, a friend of a friend who is a computer specialist is coming over to evaluate my laptop, which has been ill with a stuffy nose and a bad cough. Poor thing, it is only 7% charged at the very most and shuts down suddenly after about 10 minutes of use. Hopefully, Computer Dude will administer electronic Sudafed and chicken soup and my laptop will be back in fighting form.

I looked at a few gyms today because I feel like The Biggest Lump in the Middle East. Normally I exercise about 4 times a week at the very least, but since I got here, jogging has gone out the window and all I do is walk (which does nothing, in my opinion). I MUST get back into it!! I keep staring at myself critically in the mirror to see if my size has changed. So far it appears that it has not, but I'm seriously thinking of posting Before and After close-up pictures on this blog and hearing your opinions (I am a vain masochist).

Being that it is Wednesday night in Izzy, there is one day before the weekend! Against my better judgement, I am going on a shabbaton. I am pretty sure it will be nothing like NCSY, but committing to spending time with a group for a fixed amount of time in a random place is always a risk. Still, it should be good fun and a new chavaya (experience).

There are some very vocal cats in the street outside who seem like they're having themselves a grand old time. I love hearing a good hiss and meow and there is certainly no shortage of cats in Israel. Rowr!!

Computer Dude is coming any minute (unless he is operating on Israeli time, which means that I have a good 2 hours), so I must go powder my nose. Please sit back in your easy chairs, enjoy smoking your pipe by the fireplace and have yourself a lovely evening (of Masterpiece Theater).