Showing posts with label Ulpan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ulpan. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Note to Self: Learn Slang and Words for All Questionable Body Parts Before Posting on Facebook
Today's Facebook exchange is so hilarious I had to post it. Check out my status update and the comments that followed. (Each dash represents a different commentator - identifying names and photos have been removed to protect the innocent.)
Sunday, January 31, 2010
A Day in the Life of Your Intrepid Olah Chadasha
Holla, or as they say here, Ahalan! (I still don't know what that means, but I enjoy saying it since it makes me seem like I'm in the know. I could look up the word in my trusty Hebrew/English dictionary, but let's be honest, I probably won't.)
So, I've been regaling you with endlessly interesting anecdotes (if I do say so myself) regarding my life here, but I really think that a 'Day in the Life' entry would illuminate just what I'm experiencing. Read on!
6:20am - Actually get up when alarm rings to go jogging for second day in a row. It's the beginning of a new regime since I just couldn't take the lack of exercise anymore. I need it physically, emotionally and so I don't go crazy(ily).
6:27am - Eat bowl of off-brand cornflakes and 1% milk (no skim allowed in Israel). Bliss.
6:40am - I zip down the eerily empty Rechov Emek Refaim, which is just beginning to show signs of life. Some workers have left huge bags of onions and potatoes outside a cafe. I contemplate stealing one but come to my senses, since: 1. I'm no ganev; and 2. What the heck would I do with so many onions?? I resume my jog sans huge sack of tubers.
7:10am - In the absence of a true jogging trail, I run in circles around the cement courts of Gan Ha'Paamon, built for some indeterminate sports, which I share with a bunch of fiesty cats. (There I go with the cats again.) They run like the wind everytime I get within a few feet (or is it grams? ha ha) of them. My brilliant theory is that all the bright blue I was wearing - my fleece and headband - spooked them. Or are cats color blind?
7:40am - Back home, I rush around getting ready, needing to be at ulpan by 8:30. Finally know how to get to the bus stop without getting lost. The bus is usually late so I think I have all the time in the world, but I get there as it is just leaving. I huff and puff and scream out a few mild obscenities, causing the policemen randomly checking cars nearby to stare up at me quizzically. I give them a dazzling smile in return.
8:20am - I use my time waiting at the bus stop to do the ulpan homework I should have done the night before. What can I say, the life of an olah is very full and I am proud to be doing any HW at all. (Sorry Mom and Aunt Gail. I'm still your shining star, right?? :)
8:32am - The bus miraculously comes earlier than it normally would (it's spaced out about every 25 bleeding minutes). I try to buy a monthly pass, but don't have enough cash. All of my maneuvering in tandem with the bus driver's sudden whoosh out of the station causes me to fall smack dab on my butt.
8:34am - What does one do in this scenario but laugh, smile adoringly at my fans, and then get comfy on the floor? I work out my ticket issues, haul myself up and resume the bus ride. I'm only 10 minutes late to ulpan, and lovely Morah Esther (who has the same name as my darling mom) welcomes me with a sweet smile, not guilting me at all for being tardy (to the Hebrew grammar party). I love her.
8:58am - Yahoo! Time for snack #1! I noisily unwrap a mini Luna bar (so glad I brought an entire suitcase of them with me to Israel) and gobble it down.
9:49am - I check my watch for the 7th time, pretty much a reflex. It's not that ulpan is boring but that I'm not used to sitting in a classroom for such an extended amount of time. We learn about words that have two meanings, based on their structure. The handout, for some odd reason, includes a very non-PC picture of a China-man in a Vietnamese type hat with very slanty eyes, cutting paper with scissors. Far be it from me to understand. Some very pro-human rights folks in the classroom get a little miffed. I try not to judge the illustrator too harshly and move right along (nothing to see here, folks).
10:30am - Break time! My classroom is blessedly warm and heated, but the rest of the building is absolutely freezing, much colder than the outside. I attempt to get warm by going into the nattily decorated 'Moadon' (i.e. Clubhouse), which I thought housed some computers. No such luck. However, a Young Turk that I have had the pleasure of befriending allows me to use his laptop. I manage to send out one email on the Turkish keyboard, but am unable to figure out how to include the letter 'i' with dots as well as commas and general punctuation. Nevertheless, one long email down!
10:32am - Feel guilty about all of the other emails I still owe.
11:23am - Back in class. We discuss the events of the past week. I ramble on about Obama's State of the Union Address. Esther the Teacher asks the Italians in the class if they know what happened in their home country. Greeted by their silence, I chime in, in Hebrew, that the food is good there. The class snickers. The Italians refuse to elaborate on their country's amazing food. Bastardos.
11:57am - Snack #2 - half of my PB&J sandwich! Yummers!
1pm - Time for the Tu B'Shvat ceremony! Some of my fellow ulpanites put on a talent show and: Sing songs about how man is close to the earth; put on little skits involving one girl dressing up as a surprisingly realistic-looking tree; and read off inspirational quotes from the Torah. Delightful.
1:23pm - Emotional presentation of Teudat Zehut (Israeli ID cards) to those that have not yet received them. I was gifted with mine at the airport, so I'm an old hand at this. I politely clap when the mood strikes, especially when a Spanish Stud Hoss claims his in a very charming manner.
1:50pm - Time for dried fruit and the ceremonial planting of a tree! I indulge in a fig and 2 walnuts.
2:40pm - Bus back to my sublet in the German Colony, which always involves passing Aroma Coffee. I struggle against the usual impulse to buy the diet slushie, a very expensive habit. I finally decide to compromise: I will get one every Sunday (first day of the work week) and Friday (first day of the weekend). So off I go to get one. It takes me about seven minutes to describe what I want to the Barrista (or is it Aromista?), but I triumph in the end.
2:51pm - Back at the apartment, I valiantly struggle to open both the screen door and the front door, then relock them quickly. I put in a few hours of PR work - pat on back.
3:30pm - Darla, my intrepid broker, picks me up to look at an apartment. It pretty much rawks although the location is somewhat questionable. I decide to make an offer.
4:15pm - Darla and I go food shopping together at a discount supermarket. (The roles of people here bleed over constantly - my last broker invited me for Shabbos dinner.) I did not expect so many American products and enjoy the selection of reduced fat Ken's Steakhouse salad dressings.
4:43pm - The cashier informs me that I am entitled to a free bottle of soda with my purchase, so I naturally go to the nearby soda section and take my sweet time deciding if I want Diet Coke with Lemon, or some sort of Sprite drink. She jerks me out of my reverie when she shrieks that I should first get to work packing my groceries (yes, we do it ourselves here) and only then can I pick out the dang bottle. I attempt to yell back, but end up saluting and obeying of course.
5:12pm - Darla laughs about how in all her 10 years of going to this supermarket, she has never seen the cashier react that way. I attribute her venom to my blond innocence (i.e. my wide-eyed, flaxen grace).
6:47pm - I heat up a frozen lasagna I purchased at the Supermarket of Shrieking, and it is utterly delicious. I chomp away as I converse with some unlucky soul on the phone.
7:30pm - Darla and I meet with the owners of the apartment I am seriously contemplating renting, and they ask for some outrageous sum as a security measure, which is somehow considered to be a normal practice in Israel. At least according to their broker - our lawyer will have the final say. Not sure how the apartment will work out after all, but will be seeing another tomorrow.
8:45pm - Tidy up at home and make some final phone calls. Have some random Facebook Instant Message chats.
10:15pm - Realize that I must post a blog entry and push myself off my furry, delicious comforter and into the tundra of the living room.
11:04pm - Blog entry completed! Off for a midnight snack and then beddie-bye. Layla tov!
So, I've been regaling you with endlessly interesting anecdotes (if I do say so myself) regarding my life here, but I really think that a 'Day in the Life' entry would illuminate just what I'm experiencing. Read on!
6:20am - Actually get up when alarm rings to go jogging for second day in a row. It's the beginning of a new regime since I just couldn't take the lack of exercise anymore. I need it physically, emotionally and so I don't go crazy(ily).
6:27am - Eat bowl of off-brand cornflakes and 1% milk (no skim allowed in Israel). Bliss.
6:40am - I zip down the eerily empty Rechov Emek Refaim, which is just beginning to show signs of life. Some workers have left huge bags of onions and potatoes outside a cafe. I contemplate stealing one but come to my senses, since: 1. I'm no ganev; and 2. What the heck would I do with so many onions?? I resume my jog sans huge sack of tubers.
7:10am - In the absence of a true jogging trail, I run in circles around the cement courts of Gan Ha'Paamon, built for some indeterminate sports, which I share with a bunch of fiesty cats. (There I go with the cats again.) They run like the wind everytime I get within a few feet (or is it grams? ha ha) of them. My brilliant theory is that all the bright blue I was wearing - my fleece and headband - spooked them. Or are cats color blind?
7:40am - Back home, I rush around getting ready, needing to be at ulpan by 8:30. Finally know how to get to the bus stop without getting lost. The bus is usually late so I think I have all the time in the world, but I get there as it is just leaving. I huff and puff and scream out a few mild obscenities, causing the policemen randomly checking cars nearby to stare up at me quizzically. I give them a dazzling smile in return.
8:20am - I use my time waiting at the bus stop to do the ulpan homework I should have done the night before. What can I say, the life of an olah is very full and I am proud to be doing any HW at all. (Sorry Mom and Aunt Gail. I'm still your shining star, right?? :)
8:32am - The bus miraculously comes earlier than it normally would (it's spaced out about every 25 bleeding minutes). I try to buy a monthly pass, but don't have enough cash. All of my maneuvering in tandem with the bus driver's sudden whoosh out of the station causes me to fall smack dab on my butt.
8:34am - What does one do in this scenario but laugh, smile adoringly at my fans, and then get comfy on the floor? I work out my ticket issues, haul myself up and resume the bus ride. I'm only 10 minutes late to ulpan, and lovely Morah Esther (who has the same name as my darling mom) welcomes me with a sweet smile, not guilting me at all for being tardy (to the Hebrew grammar party). I love her.
8:58am - Yahoo! Time for snack #1! I noisily unwrap a mini Luna bar (so glad I brought an entire suitcase of them with me to Israel) and gobble it down.
9:49am - I check my watch for the 7th time, pretty much a reflex. It's not that ulpan is boring but that I'm not used to sitting in a classroom for such an extended amount of time. We learn about words that have two meanings, based on their structure. The handout, for some odd reason, includes a very non-PC picture of a China-man in a Vietnamese type hat with very slanty eyes, cutting paper with scissors. Far be it from me to understand. Some very pro-human rights folks in the classroom get a little miffed. I try not to judge the illustrator too harshly and move right along (nothing to see here, folks).
10:30am - Break time! My classroom is blessedly warm and heated, but the rest of the building is absolutely freezing, much colder than the outside. I attempt to get warm by going into the nattily decorated 'Moadon' (i.e. Clubhouse), which I thought housed some computers. No such luck. However, a Young Turk that I have had the pleasure of befriending allows me to use his laptop. I manage to send out one email on the Turkish keyboard, but am unable to figure out how to include the letter 'i' with dots as well as commas and general punctuation. Nevertheless, one long email down!
10:32am - Feel guilty about all of the other emails I still owe.
11:23am - Back in class. We discuss the events of the past week. I ramble on about Obama's State of the Union Address. Esther the Teacher asks the Italians in the class if they know what happened in their home country. Greeted by their silence, I chime in, in Hebrew, that the food is good there. The class snickers. The Italians refuse to elaborate on their country's amazing food. Bastardos.
11:57am - Snack #2 - half of my PB&J sandwich! Yummers!
1pm - Time for the Tu B'Shvat ceremony! Some of my fellow ulpanites put on a talent show and: Sing songs about how man is close to the earth; put on little skits involving one girl dressing up as a surprisingly realistic-looking tree; and read off inspirational quotes from the Torah. Delightful.
1:23pm - Emotional presentation of Teudat Zehut (Israeli ID cards) to those that have not yet received them. I was gifted with mine at the airport, so I'm an old hand at this. I politely clap when the mood strikes, especially when a Spanish Stud Hoss claims his in a very charming manner.
1:50pm - Time for dried fruit and the ceremonial planting of a tree! I indulge in a fig and 2 walnuts.
2:40pm - Bus back to my sublet in the German Colony, which always involves passing Aroma Coffee. I struggle against the usual impulse to buy the diet slushie, a very expensive habit. I finally decide to compromise: I will get one every Sunday (first day of the work week) and Friday (first day of the weekend). So off I go to get one. It takes me about seven minutes to describe what I want to the Barrista (or is it Aromista?), but I triumph in the end.
2:51pm - Back at the apartment, I valiantly struggle to open both the screen door and the front door, then relock them quickly. I put in a few hours of PR work - pat on back.
3:30pm - Darla, my intrepid broker, picks me up to look at an apartment. It pretty much rawks although the location is somewhat questionable. I decide to make an offer.
4:15pm - Darla and I go food shopping together at a discount supermarket. (The roles of people here bleed over constantly - my last broker invited me for Shabbos dinner.) I did not expect so many American products and enjoy the selection of reduced fat Ken's Steakhouse salad dressings.
4:43pm - The cashier informs me that I am entitled to a free bottle of soda with my purchase, so I naturally go to the nearby soda section and take my sweet time deciding if I want Diet Coke with Lemon, or some sort of Sprite drink. She jerks me out of my reverie when she shrieks that I should first get to work packing my groceries (yes, we do it ourselves here) and only then can I pick out the dang bottle. I attempt to yell back, but end up saluting and obeying of course.
5:12pm - Darla laughs about how in all her 10 years of going to this supermarket, she has never seen the cashier react that way. I attribute her venom to my blond innocence (i.e. my wide-eyed, flaxen grace).
6:47pm - I heat up a frozen lasagna I purchased at the Supermarket of Shrieking, and it is utterly delicious. I chomp away as I converse with some unlucky soul on the phone.
7:30pm - Darla and I meet with the owners of the apartment I am seriously contemplating renting, and they ask for some outrageous sum as a security measure, which is somehow considered to be a normal practice in Israel. At least according to their broker - our lawyer will have the final say. Not sure how the apartment will work out after all, but will be seeing another tomorrow.
8:45pm - Tidy up at home and make some final phone calls. Have some random Facebook Instant Message chats.
10:15pm - Realize that I must post a blog entry and push myself off my furry, delicious comforter and into the tundra of the living room.
11:04pm - Blog entry completed! Off for a midnight snack and then beddie-bye. Layla tov!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Thou Shalt Not Lie...Except to Israeli Customer Service
Let's dispense with the shaloms, shall we? Suffice is to say that yesterday will not go down as a top day in the Shining Pantheon of My Life.
It all started when I was late for the bus to ulpan, again. This time there was no way around it and I had to take a cab. Uch, I hate wasting money so much!! I also have been feeling very out of control in terms of my finances because I have not been logging all of my spending on the usual Excel spreadsheet.
Truly, most of my daily routines have gone out the window with aliyah.
The cab ride was very stressful because some truck drivers decided that rush hour was the opportune time to BLOCK THE ENTIRE ROAD in order to hook up some dumping contraption. I opened my car window and shrieked at them to "ZUZ!" (MOVE!) but of course that didn't help. It just made me feel better.
I did make it to ulpan on time but had to explain why I had missed the prior day. The truth is that I still consider Saturday night the 'woo hoo, time to go out' night, even though Sunday is really a working day here. So I did not get enough sleep and just could not drag my sorry carcass to ulpan that day. Of course I didn't tell the teacher that - white lie #1.
I also had a pressing appointment in Netanya, to meet some co-workers at my new PR job. In order to be there on time, I had to leave ulpan early. This did not please my teacher and I assured her this would not be the norm, explaining that "Pussycat, it hurts me more than it hurts you." (Okay, I didn't use those exact words, but you get the nekudah/point.)
So, I rushed off to catch the bus to Bnei Brak, where I would be meeting a connecting shuttle that would take me to Netanya. I've already complained about the rude bus drivers here, but this dude will go down in the Hall of Fame of Disgruntled Nahagim. When I asked him about the right stop, he grunted at me to ask my fellow passengers.
As if!! After much screaming by me (it's a necessity to get what you need here) I finally figured out where I had to get off. A nice young girl who probably thought I was some ridiculous tourist pointed me to the exact stop, and I rushed off the bus.
About half a minute later I realized that I was no longer in possession of one of my two tote bags (call me a bag lady if you must). And guess what was in that tote? Not my passports, thank G-d, but all of my ulpan materials. Clearly, I am not a position to ace this course, especially considering that we have a test on Wednesday. How my Israeli grammar is going to suffer.
Back to the transportation story from Hell. I had missed my connecting shuttle and ran frantically into some stores in Bnei Brak, where a nice greengrocer looked in the phone book and helped me find another shuttle (at a high price). It was worth it in the end and I'll tell you why.
I called the bus company to explain that I literally had just gotten off the bus and knew the identifying numbers for both the driver and the bus (which were on my ticket). The representative, in what I am told is typical Israeli fashion, told me that the bus company does not, as a practice, keep the private phone numbers of their individual bus drivers.
This mystified me - how the heck do you run a company without knowing the numbers of your bus drivers?? The rep insisted she could not call the bus driver and said I would have to be satisfied with leaving my contact information with her, and she would call me if something was found.
Usually I joke about these matters, but I was really appalled by her baffling lack of sympathy. Having reached my breaking point, I launched into a tirade for the benefit of my driver whereby I screeched that I was an Olah Chadasha and just could not understand why people are so mean. I didn't get why people invited us to come to the country and then treated us like crap over the most mundane matters???
I guess the driver alternately pitied me and was terrified of my wrath, because he voluntarily called the Bus Company of Idiocy back and pretended that I was his friend and had left my passports and other extremely sensitive materials in the bag. Could they check with the driver? Suddenly they could!!
What a miracle - the bus driver's number appeared out of thin air!!All because we obeyed the commandment, "Thous Shalt Lie to Israeli Customer Service."
Today, the lovely driver also picked up the bag in Tel Aviv, so I need to take a bus (shudder) back there tonight to finally get the bag back in my possession, and give the driver a nice little reward. You can bet I am not letting that dang bag out of my sight - those ulpan materials are irreplaceable.
When I told my Dad the story, he remarked that I keep losing things, and he is right: My change purse (didn't blog about that but got it back after going to the bar I had been at the night before), of course the errant belt, and now this.
What it boils down to is that aliyah has made me lose my mind. But not my appetite.
So: I got out my complaints, and you can expect your normal, cheerful narrator back any day now. In the meantime, I'm going to eat some chocolate - it's the only cure.
It all started when I was late for the bus to ulpan, again. This time there was no way around it and I had to take a cab. Uch, I hate wasting money so much!! I also have been feeling very out of control in terms of my finances because I have not been logging all of my spending on the usual Excel spreadsheet.
Truly, most of my daily routines have gone out the window with aliyah.
The cab ride was very stressful because some truck drivers decided that rush hour was the opportune time to BLOCK THE ENTIRE ROAD in order to hook up some dumping contraption. I opened my car window and shrieked at them to "ZUZ!" (MOVE!) but of course that didn't help. It just made me feel better.
I did make it to ulpan on time but had to explain why I had missed the prior day. The truth is that I still consider Saturday night the 'woo hoo, time to go out' night, even though Sunday is really a working day here. So I did not get enough sleep and just could not drag my sorry carcass to ulpan that day. Of course I didn't tell the teacher that - white lie #1.
I also had a pressing appointment in Netanya, to meet some co-workers at my new PR job. In order to be there on time, I had to leave ulpan early. This did not please my teacher and I assured her this would not be the norm, explaining that "Pussycat, it hurts me more than it hurts you." (Okay, I didn't use those exact words, but you get the nekudah/point.)
So, I rushed off to catch the bus to Bnei Brak, where I would be meeting a connecting shuttle that would take me to Netanya. I've already complained about the rude bus drivers here, but this dude will go down in the Hall of Fame of Disgruntled Nahagim. When I asked him about the right stop, he grunted at me to ask my fellow passengers.
As if!! After much screaming by me (it's a necessity to get what you need here) I finally figured out where I had to get off. A nice young girl who probably thought I was some ridiculous tourist pointed me to the exact stop, and I rushed off the bus.
About half a minute later I realized that I was no longer in possession of one of my two tote bags (call me a bag lady if you must). And guess what was in that tote? Not my passports, thank G-d, but all of my ulpan materials. Clearly, I am not a position to ace this course, especially considering that we have a test on Wednesday. How my Israeli grammar is going to suffer.
Back to the transportation story from Hell. I had missed my connecting shuttle and ran frantically into some stores in Bnei Brak, where a nice greengrocer looked in the phone book and helped me find another shuttle (at a high price). It was worth it in the end and I'll tell you why.
I called the bus company to explain that I literally had just gotten off the bus and knew the identifying numbers for both the driver and the bus (which were on my ticket). The representative, in what I am told is typical Israeli fashion, told me that the bus company does not, as a practice, keep the private phone numbers of their individual bus drivers.
This mystified me - how the heck do you run a company without knowing the numbers of your bus drivers?? The rep insisted she could not call the bus driver and said I would have to be satisfied with leaving my contact information with her, and she would call me if something was found.
Usually I joke about these matters, but I was really appalled by her baffling lack of sympathy. Having reached my breaking point, I launched into a tirade for the benefit of my driver whereby I screeched that I was an Olah Chadasha and just could not understand why people are so mean. I didn't get why people invited us to come to the country and then treated us like crap over the most mundane matters???
I guess the driver alternately pitied me and was terrified of my wrath, because he voluntarily called the Bus Company of Idiocy back and pretended that I was his friend and had left my passports and other extremely sensitive materials in the bag. Could they check with the driver? Suddenly they could!!
What a miracle - the bus driver's number appeared out of thin air!!All because we obeyed the commandment, "Thous Shalt Lie to Israeli Customer Service."
Today, the lovely driver also picked up the bag in Tel Aviv, so I need to take a bus (shudder) back there tonight to finally get the bag back in my possession, and give the driver a nice little reward. You can bet I am not letting that dang bag out of my sight - those ulpan materials are irreplaceable.
When I told my Dad the story, he remarked that I keep losing things, and he is right: My change purse (didn't blog about that but got it back after going to the bar I had been at the night before), of course the errant belt, and now this.
What it boils down to is that aliyah has made me lose my mind. But not my appetite.
So: I got out my complaints, and you can expect your normal, cheerful narrator back any day now. In the meantime, I'm going to eat some chocolate - it's the only cure.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
HaUlpan Sheli
La'Ulpan sheli shalosh pinot, shalosh pinot la'ulpan sheli...(My ulpan has 3 corners...)
Oh wait, that's a song about a kova (hat)! Strike that from the record, Your Honor!
Soooo, I have ulpan on the brain. (In case you don't know the meaning of this odd word that I keep referring to, 'ulpan' is an intensive study of the Hebrew language with the objective of fluency in reading, writing and speaking.) It's my new obsession because I just started on Tuesday! This coincides with my moving into a sublet in a great location in the German Colony, so for the first time in a loooong while, I have some blessed stability in my life.
I just adore having a routine again.
Nevermind that I keep getting lost on the way to the #8 bus. I'm not sure this bus stop actually exists in real time - I think it is an apparition that shifts places for the sole purpose of tormenting me. Today's bus debacle involved me getting up at 6:30am to make an 8:30 class, huffing and puffing in search of the mystical Derech Chevron, finally finding the stop after harrassing a number of innocent passerby - and being late.
My being tardy (to the party) had nothing to do with the 20 minutes I spent fiddling with the sublet's amazing cappuccino machine...nothing at all. But dang, that cappuccino was tays-tee!
How I digress. So, they actually placed me in the Ulpan's Rama Daled, their highest level of Hebrew. I still can't believe it! I know that I understand most of what I hear in daily conversation and can speak with some fluency, but I didn't think I was that advanced since I cannot follow the news or radio at all. The funny thing is that on the placement test, I made a number of mistakes in the easiest section and got 100% in the hardest section.
I've always been an odd egoz (nut) to crack.
Anyhoooooo, my classmates are from all over the world (Australia, Russia, South Africa and of course, America) with some 'foreign' haircuts to match, and my teachers are adorable. I am re-learning all the Hebrew grammar, male/female tenses and vocabulary I have forgotten over the years. It's in there somewhere!
I am particularly enjoying the vocabulary part. Here are but a few of the words I learned to translate into Hebrew today:
-Nuclear weapons
-Hips (we had to add an adjective so I chose 'fat' - tee hee)
-FBI (are they focusing on my hips???)
-Ankles
-Chaos
-Socks (don't ask me about the state of my sock drawer)
I did learn other words in a wide variety of categories but I thought you would enjoy this mixed array. (Admit it, you did, didn't you?)
After my second glorious day of ulpan, I trucked on over to Rami Levi, a discount supermarket that appears to be Jerusalem's version of Costco. The fact that you can only buy a pair of heads of lettuce, and not a single one on its own, attests to the warehouse-like atmosphere.
Hmmm, maybe it is Costco, but the people there are crazier than the meshugennas at Fairway. Ah, New York...
Oh wait, that's a song about a kova (hat)! Strike that from the record, Your Honor!
Soooo, I have ulpan on the brain. (In case you don't know the meaning of this odd word that I keep referring to, 'ulpan' is an intensive study of the Hebrew language with the objective of fluency in reading, writing and speaking.) It's my new obsession because I just started on Tuesday! This coincides with my moving into a sublet in a great location in the German Colony, so for the first time in a loooong while, I have some blessed stability in my life.
I just adore having a routine again.
Nevermind that I keep getting lost on the way to the #8 bus. I'm not sure this bus stop actually exists in real time - I think it is an apparition that shifts places for the sole purpose of tormenting me. Today's bus debacle involved me getting up at 6:30am to make an 8:30 class, huffing and puffing in search of the mystical Derech Chevron, finally finding the stop after harrassing a number of innocent passerby - and being late.
My being tardy (to the party) had nothing to do with the 20 minutes I spent fiddling with the sublet's amazing cappuccino machine...nothing at all. But dang, that cappuccino was tays-tee!
How I digress. So, they actually placed me in the Ulpan's Rama Daled, their highest level of Hebrew. I still can't believe it! I know that I understand most of what I hear in daily conversation and can speak with some fluency, but I didn't think I was that advanced since I cannot follow the news or radio at all. The funny thing is that on the placement test, I made a number of mistakes in the easiest section and got 100% in the hardest section.
I've always been an odd egoz (nut) to crack.
Anyhoooooo, my classmates are from all over the world (Australia, Russia, South Africa and of course, America) with some 'foreign' haircuts to match, and my teachers are adorable. I am re-learning all the Hebrew grammar, male/female tenses and vocabulary I have forgotten over the years. It's in there somewhere!
I am particularly enjoying the vocabulary part. Here are but a few of the words I learned to translate into Hebrew today:
-Nuclear weapons
-Hips (we had to add an adjective so I chose 'fat' - tee hee)
-FBI (are they focusing on my hips???)
-Ankles
-Chaos
-Socks (don't ask me about the state of my sock drawer)
I did learn other words in a wide variety of categories but I thought you would enjoy this mixed array. (Admit it, you did, didn't you?)
After my second glorious day of ulpan, I trucked on over to Rami Levi, a discount supermarket that appears to be Jerusalem's version of Costco. The fact that you can only buy a pair of heads of lettuce, and not a single one on its own, attests to the warehouse-like atmosphere.
Hmmm, maybe it is Costco, but the people there are crazier than the meshugennas at Fairway. Ah, New York...
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