You Know You're Adapting To Israeli Society When...

Savory salads, including the contentious chummus (and a few random falafel balls)

I had lunch with my friend Tani today and was so glad to hear she has been enjoying regular chuckles due to my blog. As a reward (how lucky she is) I gave her a preview of this entry. Tani, I hope you like it!

I hope you, dear readers, do too. I know it has been a while since I posted, but last week suddenly became a cauldron of activity from which I could not tear myself away. It was all I could do to keep my head above water, what with the demands of ulpan, work, etc. etc. Yadda, yadda, yadda - poor me.

In any case, for the past week I've been noticing that I have regularly been doing a number of things that were really foreign to me when I first arrived.

As a result, as much as for my own benefit as all of yours (how I flatter myself that my readership is in the plural), I've decided to compile the following list of indicators that illustrate how my over-a-month-long stay has influenced me in a number of ways.

So - You know you've been in Israel and adapted to the culture somewhat when you:

• Use the expression "go for coffee" for every possible type of social situation. Going for lunch? Going for drinks? Going bowling (not that I noticed a single bowling alley in this country)? Then you're "going for coffee."
• Get used to everyone asking you how old you are and whether you are married (and of course, then telling you they have a shidduch for you, usually inappropriate). This includes shul-goers, storekeepers and CEO's.
• Start using Israeli slang, often improperly. (Please reference my incorrect use of the word "Halaan" a few entries back.) I suddenly find myself screaming out "Ayzeh Basa!" (roughly - what a crappy situation), "Al Ha'Panim!" (on my face - when you do something embarrassing), and "Sof Ha'Derech!" (end of the road - meaning the best ever) at random intervals.
• No longer think twice when you see a car parked at a particularly odd angle in the middle of the street, or directly on the sidewalk.
• Suddenly find yourself wearing extremely casual clothes almost every day of the week. Not just the same pair of jeans five days in a row (this started immediately upon my arrival) but - gasp! - sweatshirts, sweatpants and sneakers. Together. HORRORS!!!! *Please do not tell any of my friends in Manhattan about this disturbing development - they will never let me back into their social circle. Heck, if I still lived in Manhattan, I wouldn't let myself back into my social circle.*
• (On that note:) Have attempted to get a manicure on three different occasions but have been cancelled upon by Udi, Ezzi and Mezinka each time. As a result, you take to doing your own manicures (a survival skill) or even - yes - walking around with naked nails. 
• Wear a trendy, glittery, aqua beret (yes, I am referring to one of the glorious accessories I still manage to wear, despite my extreme Case of the Shlumps) and someone congratulates you on getting married. Even though you are wearing pants. After all, you are covering your hair.
• Use toilet paper in place of napkins and tissues. And get used to the lack of napkins at the table at meals. (I don't know why this is, I guess everyone surreptitiously wipes their hands and faces on the tablecloth.)
• Get used to people from Tel Aviv asking you, "Why would you want to live there?" when you tell them you live in Jerusalem. This is often due to the perceived lack of social establishments in Jeru.
• Start using abbreviations like J-lem/Jeru and TA (Tel Aviv).
• Begin to think that the distance between cities like Jeru & TA (about an hour) is soooooo looooong. Even though you thought it was the same as the relatively short distance between Queens, NY and Teaneck, NJ when you first arrived, and snickered openly at Israelis for whining about it.
• Are no longer scared of black cats but even begin to have a soft spot for them. I am considering naming the one I see most often. Perhaps I will call him 'Black Coffee.'
• Have extremely strong opinions about the best chummus in your local grocery, in your neighborhood and in the cities of Jerusalem and Tel Aviv. And you aren't afraid to voice them, ever.
• Are shown to a table at a cafe and bark at the waitress that you did not want that one but instead wanted one in the middle. Then you stop yourself a minute later when you realize that tone of voice was entirely unnecessary. It's just that you've gotten used to people barking at you.
• Not only are blunt in regard to seating at dining establishments, but basically everything.

You people are boring. I need to go. (There I go with the bluntness again.) Sorry.

Toodles.