To-Do: Do not freak out over To-Do List

Let me start by saying that I know I am not alone in creating a prison - כלא - of my own making.

How dramatic. What that means in plain English (or Heiblish) is that I know I'm not the only one who creates endless, insurmountable to-do lists. I do believe a whole genre (or should I say section in Barnes & Noble) of self-help books addresses this issue, at least in overscheduled America. And I've read a few chapters on this myself, with the central message being that one cannot expect to get everything on the list done in one day, so the healthiest thing to do is just be happy with the one major task, or few minor tasks, that you're able to cross off each day.

To which I say: HA!! Do they know what's involved in the life of an Olah Chadasha?? I'll allow you to sneak a peek at my current, endlessly updated list, and then tell me if you could be all zen about it:

*Call washing machine tech for installation (decide if machine should go on porch or in bathroom)
*Have same tech measure microwave area to ensure it will fit microwave; if not, haul microwave back to store in back of friend's car
*Supplicate self to friend with car if necessary as above
*Call Citibank on local American line
*Call Ikea Dude (guy who is returning items I don't want to Ikea for a fee) on local Israeli line
*Call friends A, B & C on cell (Try to wiggle out of calls as fast as possible - hate phones!! Har Har)
*Buy bottle of wine for Shabbat lunch at friend who cooks like gourmand
*Buy pots and pans so can learn to cook like gourmand
*Buy new, צנוע dresses for Pesach as cap sleeved frocks inappropriate
*Wear sunscreen on arms so as not to freckle in insanely hot Middle Eastern sun
*Go running (For real this time! Snooze button is not an option!)
*Learn Israeli culture so do not freak out each time cultural norm is breached (every 5 minutes)
*Get more Crest White Strips so can begin to fix damage incurred by 3 daily cappucinos (Decided that tooth color was a sacrifice I was willing to make in lieu of delicious java)
*Go on YouTube and attempt to watch latest episode of Gossip Girl in five separate parts (likely will see parts 1, 3 & 5). Dream about Chuck Bass for minimum of 10 minutes.
*Read "Bridget Jones's Diary" for the 27th time (literally) since arrived in Holy Land
*Begin saving money - specifically in each of the following 3 jars on my kitchen countertop: Shoe Fund; Beer Money; Girl's Night Out
*Update to-do list

You see what I mean???? Thus far today, I've put my nose to the grindstone (ow) and checked off the YouTube and Bridget Jones items. And I should add "Eat bakery item" to the list since I know I will successfully accomplish that today.

Please chime in - I would love to hear your comments about your personal to-do lists. Happy Pesach (cleaning)!

You Know You're Adapting To Israeli Society When...

Savory salads, including the contentious chummus (and a few random falafel balls)

I had lunch with my friend Tani today and was so glad to hear she has been enjoying regular chuckles due to my blog. As a reward (how lucky she is) I gave her a preview of this entry. Tani, I hope you like it!

I hope you, dear readers, do too. I know it has been a while since I posted, but last week suddenly became a cauldron of activity from which I could not tear myself away. It was all I could do to keep my head above water, what with the demands of ulpan, work, etc. etc. Yadda, yadda, yadda - poor me.

In any case, for the past week I've been noticing that I have regularly been doing a number of things that were really foreign to me when I first arrived.

As a result, as much as for my own benefit as all of yours (how I flatter myself that my readership is in the plural), I've decided to compile the following list of indicators that illustrate how my over-a-month-long stay has influenced me in a number of ways.

So - You know you've been in Israel and adapted to the culture somewhat when you:

• Use the expression "go for coffee" for every possible type of social situation. Going for lunch? Going for drinks? Going bowling (not that I noticed a single bowling alley in this country)? Then you're "going for coffee."
• Get used to everyone asking you how old you are and whether you are married (and of course, then telling you they have a shidduch for you, usually inappropriate). This includes shul-goers, storekeepers and CEO's.
• Start using Israeli slang, often improperly. (Please reference my incorrect use of the word "Halaan" a few entries back.) I suddenly find myself screaming out "Ayzeh Basa!" (roughly - what a crappy situation), "Al Ha'Panim!" (on my face - when you do something embarrassing), and "Sof Ha'Derech!" (end of the road - meaning the best ever) at random intervals.
• No longer think twice when you see a car parked at a particularly odd angle in the middle of the street, or directly on the sidewalk.
• Suddenly find yourself wearing extremely casual clothes almost every day of the week. Not just the same pair of jeans five days in a row (this started immediately upon my arrival) but - gasp! - sweatshirts, sweatpants and sneakers. Together. HORRORS!!!! *Please do not tell any of my friends in Manhattan about this disturbing development - they will never let me back into their social circle. Heck, if I still lived in Manhattan, I wouldn't let myself back into my social circle.*
• (On that note:) Have attempted to get a manicure on three different occasions but have been cancelled upon by Udi, Ezzi and Mezinka each time. As a result, you take to doing your own manicures (a survival skill) or even - yes - walking around with naked nails. 
• Wear a trendy, glittery, aqua beret (yes, I am referring to one of the glorious accessories I still manage to wear, despite my extreme Case of the Shlumps) and someone congratulates you on getting married. Even though you are wearing pants. After all, you are covering your hair.
• Use toilet paper in place of napkins and tissues. And get used to the lack of napkins at the table at meals. (I don't know why this is, I guess everyone surreptitiously wipes their hands and faces on the tablecloth.)
• Get used to people from Tel Aviv asking you, "Why would you want to live there?" when you tell them you live in Jerusalem. This is often due to the perceived lack of social establishments in Jeru.
• Start using abbreviations like J-lem/Jeru and TA (Tel Aviv).
• Begin to think that the distance between cities like Jeru & TA (about an hour) is soooooo looooong. Even though you thought it was the same as the relatively short distance between Queens, NY and Teaneck, NJ when you first arrived, and snickered openly at Israelis for whining about it.
• Are no longer scared of black cats but even begin to have a soft spot for them. I am considering naming the one I see most often. Perhaps I will call him 'Black Coffee.'
• Have extremely strong opinions about the best chummus in your local grocery, in your neighborhood and in the cities of Jerusalem and Tel Aviv. And you aren't afraid to voice them, ever.
• Are shown to a table at a cafe and bark at the waitress that you did not want that one but instead wanted one in the middle. Then you stop yourself a minute later when you realize that tone of voice was entirely unnecessary. It's just that you've gotten used to people barking at you.
• Not only are blunt in regard to seating at dining establishments, but basically everything.

You people are boring. I need to go. (There I go with the bluntness again.) Sorry.

Toodles.