Returning Things to Their Proper Place, at the Proper Time

Good pre-Shabbos, fellow Jews. I've been meaning to write this blog entry for the entire week, but somehow the time got away from me. It has a way of doing that, ya know??

Anyway, if you are a faithful reader (ahem) and recall, a little while back I posted a blog entry about my saga of getting to a shiur given by Rav Arush, and how I was successful only through the help of what I recognized as divine intervention. I concluded that it proved what I had learned, that if you really want to do a mitzvah, G-d will make sure that you get the opportunity to do so.

Lo and behold, it was proven to me again this past week. I was getting off the bus and saw that someone had left their תיק (knapsack)  at the stop. Ah, the perfect opportunity to do the mitzvah of השבת אבדה (returning lost items to their rightful owners)!

Alas, it was not to be. As I unzipped the knapsack to find some sort of identification, the bus driver screamed at me to get away from it. Bus driver screaming?? Big surprise there! Actually, he was within his rights, since I had completely forgotten that it might be a חפץ חשוד - a bomb risk. (Such is the reality of living in the Middle East with your enemies surrounding you). Naturally I backed off, and the kid who actually owned the knapsack came running back a minute later.

Okay, I thought, at least I tried to do the mitzvah. Well, the next day I was sitting all by my lonesome at another random bus stop, when this Russian lady came by and started talking to me about a bank card she had found on the sidewalk right near the King David Hotel. She told me she didn't speak Hebrew very well, so would I mind handling the returning of the card to its rightful owner?

Heck yes, I would be happy to! And I did, and got to do the mitzvah of having the bank inform Yuri Mikalov (or some similar name) that his bank card was found.

Never once did the thought to go on a spending spree in at all the most fabulous shops in Dubai cross my mind. Not once! Okay, maybe once. Har har.

In any case, I got to do my mitzvah. Which was really nice. Then I went home and rewarded myself with a rugelach. Which was also really nice (although not entirely unexpected).

Shabbat shalom everyone!

KumKums!!!

Yo, hot diggity dawgs! I am recovering nicely from the post-Yom Ha'atzmaut BBQ Bonanza, you will be happy to hear.

Plus, thank you to my friend Joel for posting this most amazing link on Facebook- this comedian writes his 62 favorite things about Israel (plus you can go to links that include even more faves from previous years).

One of the things I absolutely love about this dude is that he keeps harping on his love for kumkums - electric kettles (reason #5 in 2009 and #9 in 2008). I, too, am absolutely obsessed with them! They warm up your water in about 20 seconds, max, and I, too, can't understand how Americans and the rest of the greater enlightened world have existed without them thus far. (I mean, I'm sure the isolated house or 12 in Ireland or New Jersey has one, but you won't find them in every kitchen (and break room, dorm, hotel - need I go on?) the way you will here.

Plus, saying 'kumkum' is just too cute.

I hope that you'll consider getting your own kumkum after reading this. Just think, in the blink of an eye, you can make instant:

• Coffee 
• Oatmeal
• Tea
• Hot water with lemon (har)
• And endless other tantalizing possibilities...

NEway, I must get to bed. Off to dream of kumkums! Be good!

תקס on 15.04.2010 at 20:00

Good day!

I was walking home yesterday on Rochel Imeinu, the main road that leads from the German Colony to my home in Katamon. In passing, I glanced at a sign on a bus shelter and quickly assimilated the following information:

תקס ליום הזכרון
15.04.2010, 20:00
רחוב הפלמח

It was then I knew:
I am well on my way to becoming a full fledged Israeli.

Q. How did I know this?
A. Because such a sign would have baffled me just a few short months ago. I knew what יום הזכרון was - Israel's National Memorial Day for the Fallen and the Victims of Terror.

But I never would have known that:

• תקס = Ceremony
• 15.04.2010 = April 15, 2010
• 20:00 = 8:00pm
• Where the heck רחוב הפלמח (Palmach Road) is. Answer: In the Katamon neighborhood, a street away from my house

Plus, I never could have typed many of the words above in Hebrew. (First because my computer didnt have the capacity, and once it did, because I psychologically couldn't deal with trying to figure out where the letters were.)

So I'm really coming along! I'm glad to see it since I feared, deep in my heart, that I could never hope to master the European metric system, military time or Israeli keyboard (all equally inexplicable and terrifying).

Can I get a what what??

In honor of all those died sacrificing themselves for the nation of Israel

Can't brag (as much), Can do the wash

עוף*

Hello, dear readers. I started this entry right before the picture in my hallway crashed to the ground (as enumerated upon in the previous few entries). Having properly processed the latter incident - with thanks to Leora S. for her assistance - I am ready to move on. And so...

Yo! Thank Heavens above, I just got a new microwave and am all set to properly nuke food (and hopefully not give myself some mysterious radiation-type disease in the process).

As I gently put my sweet potatoe in for a thorough tanning session (must employ euphemism so sweet potatoe does not run away in fit of fear), it momentarily perplexed me that all of the microwave commands were in Hebrew. I was all: "How am I supposed to know how to use the dang thing??"

Then I remembered that I do, in fact, know Hebrew and figured it out. And I had a lovely, if a little shriveled, yam.

On the topic of electronics, since I moved into my apartment 1.5 months ago, I've proudly saved money by doing without certain appliances, which include a TV, radio, toaster, washing machine and dryer (alot of people have washer/dryers here, as opposed to Manhattan, where having this combo in your apartment is akin to finding the Holy Grail). I continually bragged to any trapped soul about being so monk-like in denying myself these 'American' pleasures, which I explained are not really necessities to a dyed-in-the-wool Israeli like me (heh). Never-you-mind that I'm not exactly living in a Unabomber-type shack in some (hopefully enchanted) forest.

In any case, I finally broke down and got the above described microwave as well as a washing machine since I think they really are necessities - I mean, am I going to use a frying pan/oven to heat things up for an hour when I can healthfully nuke them in 15 seconds? And since time is money, am I going to clean my clothes at a laundromat every bleeding time I run out of socks when washing machines here are decently priced (and I even got a more environmentally oriented, and therefore fiscally prudent, model)?

I did hold off on all of the other electronics I named, including a TV (which this socialist republic taxes - I'm sure Obama would approve). My dad, who cannot fall asleep without the TV on, is probably in the process of disowning me (chas v'shalom!). For a while I thought I would go all hard core and stop watching any sort of programming, but then I came to the realization (with the help of the voices in my head that I began to hear) that the silence in my apartment was so deafening that this had to stop. Luckily there is a glorious thing called "The Internet". Perhaps you've heard of it? I can basically download all the shows and movies I want to see, for free. Nevermind that it involves my lying in bed with a laptop, and that the movies often stop at the most critical moment because of some sort of issue. It (basically) works for me!

And let me tell you, there is nothing like waking up in the morning with a laptop on your stomach.

Addendum: Great Crash (not of 1929)

To continue with the saga of the Great Piture Smash of 2010: After I spent some time feeling sorry for myself and cleaned up the glass, I had a little time to think things over. I also spoke to a wise friend or two. It's all about how you look at things, so I'm going to take this as a good sign - since my home is now complete, glass smashing is a 'mazal tov'!

So may I conclude: Thank you G-d, for causing my picture to fall and showing me that I am embarking on a successful path!

In that spirit, I wish you all tons of hatzlacha and happiness on the eve of Pesach, our Festival of Freedom. May the personal chains that bind you be broken and may your spirit be free to soar. Seize the day and do what you love!

xoxoxoxo

7 Years of Bad Luck????

So here I was, waltzing around all delighted that my apartment had finally come together. In the past few days, I bought a microwave and washing machine, and today I had a really nice picture put up on the long expanse of empty wall in my entry hallway.

All that's left to do is groom the garden, and that will be taken care of post-Pesach.

I was finally relaxing. The long and bitter odyssey of decorating the huge, empty expanse of my apartment appeared to be over - I had this actual thought ten minutes ago.

That all came literally CRASHING down. As I sat here typing up a blog entry for your enjoyment (about the fascinating topic of nuking a sweet potatoe in my new microwave - more on that to come in the next entry), suddenly I heard a great noise. I wondered if one of the light fixtures had fallen off and broken??

I rushed out to the hall and guess what?? My brand new picture (not a Van Gogh but I tagged this entry as such for sh*ts and giggles), that had been put up just hours ago, had fallen off the wall, taking the nails with it, and all the glass had broken into huge shards on the floor.

And there it currently sits. I just don't have the coy-ach (strength, as we say in Yiddish) to deal with the mess now.

And honestly, I'm upset. It's like the Heavens sent me a message: Don't get too comfortable.

To which I answer: Why not?? What is so wrong about wanting to have a sanctuary in the middle of a new, foreign, busy as heck city??

And does this mean that I am being punished for something?? I hate to go that route but I can't help but think that way. When dramatic things like this happen it's important to sit up and listen.

I need to go back and review my conduct over the past while - perhaps this is atoning for something. At least I wasn't under the picture when this happened.

Oy, all I can say is whatever. The gallery owner is coming to get the painting in order to fix it, since he was the one that put it up in the first place. I guess I'll have to sweep up the fricking glass. I just don't feel like doing it right now. Let my 7 years of bad luck sit on the floor for a while and think about what it did.

To-Do: Do not freak out over To-Do List

Let me start by saying that I know I am not alone in creating a prison - כלא - of my own making.

How dramatic. What that means in plain English (or Heiblish) is that I know I'm not the only one who creates endless, insurmountable to-do lists. I do believe a whole genre (or should I say section in Barnes & Noble) of self-help books addresses this issue, at least in overscheduled America. And I've read a few chapters on this myself, with the central message being that one cannot expect to get everything on the list done in one day, so the healthiest thing to do is just be happy with the one major task, or few minor tasks, that you're able to cross off each day.

To which I say: HA!! Do they know what's involved in the life of an Olah Chadasha?? I'll allow you to sneak a peek at my current, endlessly updated list, and then tell me if you could be all zen about it:

*Call washing machine tech for installation (decide if machine should go on porch or in bathroom)
*Have same tech measure microwave area to ensure it will fit microwave; if not, haul microwave back to store in back of friend's car
*Supplicate self to friend with car if necessary as above
*Call Citibank on local American line
*Call Ikea Dude (guy who is returning items I don't want to Ikea for a fee) on local Israeli line
*Call friends A, B & C on cell (Try to wiggle out of calls as fast as possible - hate phones!! Har Har)
*Buy bottle of wine for Shabbat lunch at friend who cooks like gourmand
*Buy pots and pans so can learn to cook like gourmand
*Buy new, צנוע dresses for Pesach as cap sleeved frocks inappropriate
*Wear sunscreen on arms so as not to freckle in insanely hot Middle Eastern sun
*Go running (For real this time! Snooze button is not an option!)
*Learn Israeli culture so do not freak out each time cultural norm is breached (every 5 minutes)
*Get more Crest White Strips so can begin to fix damage incurred by 3 daily cappucinos (Decided that tooth color was a sacrifice I was willing to make in lieu of delicious java)
*Go on YouTube and attempt to watch latest episode of Gossip Girl in five separate parts (likely will see parts 1, 3 & 5). Dream about Chuck Bass for minimum of 10 minutes.
*Read "Bridget Jones's Diary" for the 27th time (literally) since arrived in Holy Land
*Begin saving money - specifically in each of the following 3 jars on my kitchen countertop: Shoe Fund; Beer Money; Girl's Night Out
*Update to-do list

You see what I mean???? Thus far today, I've put my nose to the grindstone (ow) and checked off the YouTube and Bridget Jones items. And I should add "Eat bakery item" to the list since I know I will successfully accomplish that today.

Please chime in - I would love to hear your comments about your personal to-do lists. Happy Pesach (cleaning)!